04 September 2008

blogus interuptus part deux

we've reached yet another bump in our blogging. i am currently in the midst of moving to a new apartment. i'm exhausted and we've got two more days to go before we have to close out the old apartment and have everything out. i am expecting tomorrow to be a very long day indeed.

however, i want to bridge the gap between "12 movies meme" installments by giving you a bit of entertainment.

while i was checking my hotmail account, i noticed that i had something in the "draft" folder. i couldn't remember what i put there.

to put this in perspective, here's a little history: ten years ago, i used to send out mass emails to my friends. the emails would be film reviews and top ten best films and albums of the year. this was before the days of blogging.

this is what i found in my "draft" folder (from EIGHT years ago):

dear friends,

i have just seen what is, quite possibly, the worst film ever made. what is that you ask? worse than waterworld? yes. worst than batman and robin? most definately. what is the name of my pain, you ask? the name of my pain is....

MISSION TO MARS.

do all of you remember how the film jurassic park never really had an ending? well, mission to mars never really starts. it just sits there. like a wet noodle. i am not exagerating when i say that i've seen kevin costner films that are better. allow me to give you the plot (insert copious amounts of soap opera, boo-hooing, and pretentiousness throughout).

it starts out the night before the mission. they go on the mission. the mission goes fubar. they send a rescue team. that mission almost goes fubar. they (miraculously) have enough to fix the escape craft. they discover the secret to life, the universe, and everything (which, in this case, is NOT 42). they escape.

there. i have just saved you between $5.50 and $10.00 (depending on where you live). what's that? who is "they"? that's the sad part about it, folks. it just doesn't matter. all of the cast members in this film are beyond wasted.

i will close with a quote from my best friend jerry:

"this film went from boring to pretentious."

thank you for your time and patience. and remember, you have been warned.

--joey


i have no idea why i never sent this out. having recently seen "mission to mars" on cable, i still agree with everything that i said in the email. and now that i have this blog, i can relay this vital information to you, my gentle and humble readers.

even though it's eight years late, the information is still important.